How Marijuana Addiction Affected My Marriage

It all started on a sunny afternoon when I came home and told my husband that I did not want him smoking marijuana at our house anymore. I had come to a point in my life were family and addiction did not fit in the same category; I had to choose family or addiction.

This immediately threw my marriage into despair. He packed his bag, took a few personal belongings and left. His final words to me were, “I am done with you, done changing for you, and I’m divorcing you!” Because his addiction to marijuana was stronger than his desire to be a good influence on his children my marriage was in despair.

My feelings were that of devastation. How could he choose this drug over my children, over his children, over our relationship?  I was done pretending that it was not happening. My husband was smoking pot in our garage on a regular basis. He also was inviting his relatives over to join him.

However my children did not appear to have any knowledge of his addiction (marijuana smoking) I was tired of putting them at risk. I had to put my children first and implant boundaries for my home even if it meant my marriage would be in despair or possibly destroyed.

My husband was gone for about twenty four hours before he came home to talk. He seemed to understand that my desire was to be a mother before all else. To my knowledge he has completely stopped smoking marijuana.In my household, family and addiction was about to focus solely on recovery.

His addiction to this substance continues to haunt him on a daily basis. He struggles regularly with hot flashes, irritability, restlessness, and insomnia. Our marriage is not perfect but it is a work in progress; hopefully that progress will continue to be drug free. Rather than being family and addiction, we are a family without addiction.

I continue to worry that my husband’s perspective on marijuana use and addiction in general will eventually hurt my children and contribute to the despair and destruction of our marriage. Two questions race through my brain frequently, “Would he ever smoke pot with my kids like his parents did with him?” “Do the kids know that daddy smoked pot?”

Addiction is very destructive; my husband, myself, my marriage, or my children have not been safe from the affects of it. I struggle with feelings of paranoia, my husband struggles with cravings, and our children just struggle to live with us (just joking, kind of) In my experience family and addiction combinded never has a positive outcome.

I realize that many families are affected by addiction. Multitudes of moms have attempted to keep their children safe from the effects addiction can have on them (including my mom). Thankfully I acquired the courage and strength to stand up and follow my moral compass (my mom never found this strength).

Though it has been difficult and emotionally taxing at times, it has been well worth the despair to keep my kids as safe from addiction as I can. Family and addiction may never have a positive outcome; but abstinence from substance use can result in many positive moments and changes.

Many moms (women in general) and some dads are raising their children in homes that are consumed by substance abuse. I would plead with these mothers and fathers to seek help for themselves and their children. Remember even though it may feel hopeless it is not. There is help available for you, your children, and your addicted significant other (if he or she will accept the help). Remember family and addiction do not go hand in hand!

A few options for family members of an addict are:

• If in immediate danger call 9-1-1
• Seek out a local therapist or counselor
• Seek out a minister or pastor
• Seek out a local co-dependents anonymous(CoDA)group

A few options for an addict are:

• If in danger of harming yourself or have overdosed call 9-1-1
• Seek medical help (see your physician)
• Seek out local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meetings
• Seek out an outpatient and/or inpatient treatment center
• Seek out a local therapist or counselor
• Seek out a minister or pastor

Life is what we make of it. If we choose to let addiction consume us, our children, and our entire lives it is as if we convict ourselves to lives of imprisonment. Hope is only but a footstep away. One footstep to say please, please help me today!